Sometimes you don't understand yourself.
and you ask yourself 'what the hell do i want exactly?' -or 'who' for that matter

and when you don't understand yourself, don't expect people to understand you.
so you better keep things to yourself.
cos when you tell them, even if they are your so-called closest friends, they may come up with something you don't want to hear. Or something you don't expect them to say at this point.

Or maybe they just won't take it seriously. They think it's just another phase of yours that will soon be gone.
YOUR DEAREST FRIENDS DON'T UNDERSTAND IT THAT YOU NEVER MEANT IT TO SOUND THAT WAY.

cos you yourself don't even sure how do you want it to sounds like. Even how do you want it to be.

and the person you wish to understand it the most was the last person you would ever tell.

"jika mampu ku menyatu dalam darahmu, dalam nadimu, agar engkau tahu..
saat semua kata kehilangan makna
dan saat segala upaya terasa hampa"

and the worst thing about this note is that it is about me, not about you.




10 hours or so to my last day here